I have always thrived on change so this is a sad state of affairs. But when you have a large family and a guy who refuses to budge from California? Lack of change is what happens.

I toyed with the idea of  changing my hair in some dramatic way. Maybe rainbow colored tips or shave one side. But…been there done that and I knew it wouldn’t be enough. That really is only satisfying when you are really annoyed or just broke up with someone. Ask any woman what the first thing she does when some guy screws her over is. The overwhelming majority will tell you a story that involved standing in front of the mirror, angry tears running down their face, chanting “You…are…such…an…asshole!”  whilst they hack their hair off in uneven clumps and a box of ill-advised hair dye stands by until it is up on deck for stage 2 of the grieving process.

So, no, screwing with my hair was just not going to cut it. But what was? What kind of change would really work for me? I didn’t know. Then my eye landed on the mail pile. On top of that pile was a catalog for mail order sex slaves…

Ha. Not really. It was a local college catalog.  So I picked it up. Skimmed through it. Next thing I knew I was online and trying to figure out if I could manage going back to school. I am poor right now, you see, so I wasn’t sure if it was a possibility. After wandering all over their website I still wasn’t sure but figured what the heck and applied, filled out the FAFSA and crossed my fingers.

As it turns out? Being poor is a boon. The FAFSA told me that because of my income and the fact that I currently have 8 dependents? My expected family contribution was 0. The school got the FAFSA information and granted me a Board of Governor’s Waiver and so…I am paying pretty much nothing. Even if I don’t get any other form of financial aid? I can do this. Yay!

Then I had to take tests. As it turns out, in spite of periodic returns to update my skills some of my previous stuff will not transfer over. Happily, I did very well on the tests. So much of the nonsense you need for a degree I will not have to do. Save for one thing. I have to take an English composition class.

I blinked when I was told this. My counselor is a very nice woman and all but…

“I know how to write. I do it for fun. I write political analysis essays for FUN!”

I even offered to show her my blog to prove it. Nope. I scored as high as was possible on the stupid test but  I have take this class. Because apparently nothing I have ever taken before satisfies this requirement.  Oh well. Should be a skate course. I hope. My only worry is that I have been writing for so long that my style is well established and the instructor will want me to follow their farkakte rules. Which may result in a conversation that escalates in me saying inadvisable things like “That is what copy-editors are for.” and “Have you been published? I have. ”

Then I will get kicked out of the course. They can do that, you know. I got kicked out of a history course once because I sometimes don’t know when to stop arguing. So keep your fingers crossed for me.

That worry and inconvenience aside, I am officially a student again. And it feels good. I have an ID. I have a log in to the campus portal. I have .edu email.  And when it is all done? I will have a degree in Business Administration. It feels amazing.  This dovetails nicely with the other skills I have picked  up along the way and my current work. Will up my earning potential. And I will be doing what I love the most. Learning stuff. It doesn’t get better than this.

As mid-life, empty nests that aren’t actually empty crises go? This one is a good one. And much more fun than wearing a hat for 6 months because you look like Cindy Lauper after she got into a fight with a lawnmower and lost.

Now this wouldn’t be bad if the leaders in question had a shred of integrity or, in some cases, the ability to think. But they don’t. They, some knowingly and some unwittingly, peddle propaganda. And it isn’t even good propaganda. It is the political and news equivalent of Art Bell’s Coast to Coast. All conspiracy theory, all the time.

Facts be damned!

Most of the time? I enjoy debating about it. I consider it both a challenge and a bit of a duty. Because they have known me forever, they don’t unfriend me.  They don’t agree with me, but they don’t get rid of me, either. It puts me in a  unique position to expose people who would never otherwise hear it to the ideas of the opposition. Also, and this isn’t trivial, to actual facts.  Right now, however,  I am not enjoying it. It has entered into the realm of the personal for reasons beyond anyone’s control.

The situation is that I currently find myself supporting 9 people including myself. And when I say supporting? I mean I am the only person with an income that is steady.  How did this happen? Well…

A few years back the other person who makes money discovered that he could no longer work at his chosen profession. Those of you that followed my blog on OpenSalon probably recall this and the 50,000 dollar surgery that involved grafting a bit of cadaver knee into his. Fun times. His boss did give him a desk job and so he worked at that. But then the economy tanked and his boss could no longer afford him. Or most of the people he employed. Because his business is the kind of thing people spend money on when the economy is good or they are too rich to be bothered by the economy. There aren’t enough rich people needing custom hardwood floors to support the size the shop was. So he went on unemployment.

Three years, many applications, and a few interviews later?  The unemployment ran out. He still doesn’t have a job almost a year after that. Not for lack of trying, either. Suits were bought, licenses obtained, interviews driven many miles to. The problem is? He is 54 years old. He worked in a skilled labor job for 26 of them. But not one that translated into any kind of skill-set for anything else. And it isn’t like there is funding growing on trees for 50+ aged men to go back to school.

And you know what? It kills him. He hates the fact he doesn’t have an income. He knows, KNOWS, that I don’t resent it. That this is beyond his power to fix. But in his mind, the part of it that was soundly and roundly indoctrinated with the notion that part of a man’s job is to support his family monetarily, he is failing. Intellectually he knows this is nonsense; viscerally, he does not.

In the middle of all this, one my sons and his family had a series of events that meant no one was working and they lost the place they were living due to some shenanigans on the part of someone else.  They didn’t want to move in here. There just wasn’t a choice. I gave up my office, made the spare bedroom little girl friendly, and just girded my loins.

So, I work. A lot. I have one client that pays the bulk of the bills but it isn’t enough. Not for 9 people. I pick up contracting gigs from  others. Mostly writing but not the fun kind. The kind that makes your eyeballs bleed. Because it pays better than the fun kind. Right now I have the main client and 2 other part time clients. I will possibly have 3 if I pass some silly little quality test. Which I have no doubt I will.

And that is still not enough.

Which is why when I run across some smug post about how they don’t want to pay for other people’s healthcare I want to scream. There is one running around right now about some doctor (which I don’t believe is true because any doctor worth their salt would not risk losing their license for such a breach of confidentiality) who describes a patient with nice shoes, a gold tooth, a current phone and a diet that includes pretzels and beer. Oh, and she smokes. And he declares that he is “Sick of pay for healthcare” for people like this.  Because she is on medicaid.

I could do a whole post deconstructing that one. How even if she were to give up the pretzels and beer and cigarettes it still wouldn’t be enough to pay for health care. How he has no way of knowing how long she saved up for those shoes. How medicaid will not even pay for a cheap tooth repair many times and he has no way of knowing how or when she got that, either. How cell phones end up being cheaper than land lines in many cases so her cell could actually be a money saving effort. And that is just the surface. Never mind that if he accepts medicaid then he isn’t paying for her healthcare, the government is paying him to provide her healthcare.

Then there are the EBT card people. They are all about the drug testing for food stamps and TANF.  Because, you know, if mommy smokes pot then obviously she should just quit and then you won’t starve. Oh, mommy has cancer? Well then she should use prescription drugs. Sorry she can’t afford them and the medicaid doesn’t cover them…

Here is what I want to say to those people:

Go fuck yourselves. God knows you cheer on the people that are fucking the rest of us.

These are the people that were all giddy about the last welfare “reform”.  They didn’t have to live it. I did. I spent about a decade feeding and sometimes housing the kids in my town. Because I could. And because the social safety net had failed them. There are a few of us in this town but not nearly enough.

Through all this I worked. I have worked virtually my whole adult life. I didn’t really have a choice. I certainly didn’t have the luxury of being a stay at home mom who scrapbooked. I don’t really think there is anything wrong with that? If you can manage it? But I get angry when such as them start talking about what should be done with the poor. Or how people should get jobs. Or how they ought to give up X thing that they don’t approve of. If your spouse is your ATM machine? Do kindly shut the hell up. You have no right to any opinion on what a working man or woman who is sole support for their family does or does not do. Full stop.

I came to a decision the other week. I applied for food stamps. And I got them. The process was a bit soul sucking? But I did it anyway because it was that or buy some kerosene lanterns. I have absolutely no problem with this. Because not only have I paid into the system for decades? I have also given back to my community when the system failed them. I took in the kids you wouldn’t let your kids play with. I supported the people you want punished for their addictions. I paid my taxes happily.

I know what is going to happen now. People are going to equivocate; they are going to claim that I am the exception. I am not. The vast majority of people that take advantage of the social safety net are just like me. Worse off than me, in fact, since my house is paid for and I have neither rent nor a mortgage to pay. I also have an advantage in that I have a unique set of skills. So people will hire me. Not so for too many other people. Especially people who are middle aged.

You don’t need the social safety net? Great. I am happy for you. But how dare you take the higher moral ground over people like me. There is nothing shameful or wrong in taking advantage of any benefit you qualify for. There never has been. The fault is entirely within your own eye.

The rest of you who are in my boat? Stand up, be heard. The smug, self-righteous, condescending bastards aren’t paying for our health care or our food stamps. We paid for them. And statistically we will likely pay for them again.  Do not be ashamed of not being too proud. Pride never solved anything.

You may have already guessed that he is a republican. He always has been. In the last decade or so there has a been a slow growing feeling of discontent in him. You wouldn’t notice unless you knew him well — and few know him well — but it is there. This past week has apparently not only brought him to the end of his tether but sent him completely off it.

Not quite sure what started it, but what pushed him over the edge was some under-educated idiot who told him on a gun rights Facebook page to stop using the “liberal motto”.  Bill lost it.

Background is, this particular group runs about posting their battle cry of “The Second (right to bear arms) protects the First!(freedom of speech)”

Which is an idea he agrees with. Like I said, republican. We don’t necessarily see eye to eye on everything. But then someone posted some story about some Imam in Virginia calling for a holy war. I went and looked up this supposed holy war on the U.S. speech and predictably…context is everything and the Newsmax/Daily Caller styled sites that picked it up completely ignored the context.  Where was I? Oh, yes, so some Imam in VA called for holy war. The response of the people on the Facebook page were predictable. They wanted him tarred and feathered and run out of the country on a rail.

Bill had a problem with this. He agreed that if the man was inciting people to violence against the US? Then he should be prosecuted. But he did not agree that he should be deprived of his rights. He did not agree that he had no right to a dissenting opinion. He argued — rather brilliantly, I thought — that people who use the 1st amendment to justify their support of the 2nd amendment ought to support the right to free speech for everyone. That it makes you either a hypocrite or an idiot if you only support it for those that agree with you.  It got even messier when they justified it because the Imam is Muslim and he countered with the fact that he is also a US citizen.

At which point he was chastised for his use of the liberal motto. And…the vine broke. The tether that keeps Bill from being confrontational just snapped. He told them he didn’t know what the liberal motto was, but that he was a conservative and that preserving the rights in the constitution were CONSERVATIVE ideas.  That you cannot pick and choose who is deserving of those rights.

There are reasons we get along even though I am a liberal.

At any rate, he came stomping into my work space and informed me that he had coined a new term. For people he was sick of. The term? Pop culture republicans. People who don’t understand the constitution, nor what conservatism actually is. That just get their regurgitated ideas from TV.  This resulted in a conversation about media, the things surrounding the Boston attack, and how most people seem incapable of telling the B.S. from the truth. Also a grudging admittance that he actually kind of liked Rachel Maddow. (told you there were reasons I liked him)

He also declared, much to my amusement, that Hannity was to News and Information what Justin Bieber was to music… which will confuse you if you like Bieber. But most of my readers will laugh.

Why is all of this important? Because he isn’t the only one. And our government needs 2 opposing sides to work correctly. But it needs 2 opposing sides that actually understand the issues at hand. That aren’t just spoon fed ideas and follow along because that is what you do if you are a good conservative or a good liberal. Yes, Virginia, there really are liberal sheep, too. But right now? At this point in history? It is the conservatives that are the wooliest. And the only hope the republican party has, that really our way of government has, is if the people like Bill who are conservative but not sheep stand up and start fighting for their party. Then and only then will the balance be restored. And the fact that he did? A man who is one of the most non-confrontational people I know? Is a good sign. Maybe the pendulum is swinging back toward center. One can hope.

This post started a few weeks ago when I ran across a Facebook snark fest about something called Lotus birth.  The “lotus” part of that probably already has you muttering about new age nonsense. I know it did that to me. I wasn’t, however, wholly prepared for what it actually turned out to be. If you haven’t clicked the link the short version is that you do not cut the cord after birth. Instead you just cart around the placenta attached to the baby until it falls off on its own.

There are many justifications for doing this according to the people that fall for it. The biggest one being, predictably, that cord cutting is something the evil medicos thought up to hasten the whole getting the mother out of the delivery process so you can yell “Next!” and get the next victim in there to inflict an unnatural birthing experience on.

There is a quote in the linked site that is both telling and eyebrow raising. As well as a teensy bit funny if you know anything about nature, or biology, at all.

Mythia, a medical student told about Lotus Birth wisely said:
“Well, think about it. Say you are back in the times of the cave man. If you didn’t know anything about birth and you saw a baby born, and in a while this other thing came out and the baby was connected to it with a cord, you would never think of cutting it for fear of harming the baby. You would then see the cord fall off in a few days leaving the baby free, and conclude that this is what nature intended.”

Most people are not going to have to think about this for very long before they start muttering “What?!?”

And with good reason. Has the author, or the quoted Mythia, never watched Animal Planet? Have they never watched a pet give birth? If they had they would realize the evil hospital and OB-GYNs didn’t think this up. That mammals, to a mam, almost immediately EAT the placenta and in the process sever the umbilical cord. They don’t have to think about it. It is instinctual. This includes primates. In fact, the only mammals that don’t? Are camels and marsupials. Camels because they are determined to be different and bloody minded and marsupials because they are equipped with the ability to absorb the thing with that weird little pouch they gestate in. But all others? Eat it.

So if you want to be all natural and stuff? You should eat it. Raw. With no salt. Immediately after birth. There is no mammal but us that has come up with the hare brained idea that you should leave well enough alone and cart the thing around with you for 3 to 10 days until it decides to dry up and go its merry way on its own.

The rest of the argument for it is a tad of truth wrapped in an enigma of pseudo science. It is true that you should not cut the cord until it stops pulsing. Because until it stops it is still serving a purpose. However, it takes around 10 minutes for this to happen. Not 3 to 5 days. There is no benefit to carting the placenta around until it falls off. Unless you consider working on your mommy martyr badge at the first possible opportunity a benefit. And many do. Which is why too many women feel like failures if they end up getting pain relief or cannot breastfeed. They are pitied by the mommy martyrs who suffered for their children from the earliest possible moment. They just weren’t mommy enough to do what was REALLY best.

Gag.

Which brings me to Tiger Moms. I kept seeing this term. Mostly spoken of with pride when describing themselves by young mothers. I imagined it meant someone who defended her children fiercely from those who would harm them in some way. Boy was I wrong. Turns out it is referring to some woman who decided her way of parenting, the Chinese mother way of parenting, was better. Why? Because Chinese/Asian kids make good grades. They excel. In Science and other things.

Once I bothered to look it up? My reaction was something along the lines of “Are you effing kidding me? You people think this is a good thing?”

Apparently they don’t understand the dark flip side to this parenting philosophy. If you were raised by one of these people, Asian or something else, I don’t have to explain it to you. If you were not? Hold on to your hats, boys and girls, I am about to blow the lid off your ignorance.

There is nothing wrong with expecting your children to excel. You should always expect them to do the best they can to the extent of their abilities. What you should not do? Is expect this at the expense of the child. And this is what Tiger Moms do. There is no room in that philosophy for the child to have their own interests. For the child to mess up. For the child to even choose what they want to do with their lives. The child’s life, activities, entertainments ( what few are allowed ) are chosen by the parent. Full stop.

So what happens when the kid doesn’t measure up? Well, here comes the guilt, shame, parental reproach and a host of other emotionally destructive things. Which is why we end up with articles like this one on children with Tiger Moms who want to off themselves.

I could actually go on here for days about different parenting choices that fall under this category; however, I think these two are illustration enough. The bottom line? People who make these choices do not do so for their children. They do so for the same reason that people live beyond their means. They are wanting to impress their neighbors, their friends and strangers. They have nothing to do with what the child actually needs and everything to do with the insecurity and/or narcissism of the parent.

Most parents want to be good parents. NEWSFLASH: you are not a good parent if you make yourself or your child suffer to get to some ideal that someone else decided. Truly good parents? Are flexible. They don’t do things that only give them better than thou bragging rights. They take into account who their child is before what they hope their child becomes. The let their child be who they are. They do not force their child into the mold of what they think they should be.

Are you a good parent? If all you care about is whether or not your child is happy and healthy? Probably. If you care about what they achieve beyond that or what you did, before they were fully sentient, to help them be perfect? You might want to take some time in thought about exactly who you are doing these parenting things for. Oh, and cut the cord already.

I could write about that. But I am not going to. It has been written and reported about. Over and over again. Sometimes well and sometimes not.  I am also not going to write about whether or not the boys deserved what they got (the answer in my mind is they didn’t get enough consequences) or whether their lives are effectively over (they aren’t).

I am instead going to write about Jane Doe, the young rape victim, and the perception people seem to have about her future. In the opinions of the outraged that take up her cause there is an idea that repeats itself. An idea that bothers me. An idea that I happen to know is false. This idea? That Jane Doe, teenage rape victim, is doomed for life in some nebulous way because of what was done to her. I see it everywhere. In blog posts, in news coverage, in responses to posts on Facebook.

“What about her? She has a life sentence!”

“Her life will never be the same. She will have this trauma to deal with forever.”

“What they did to her is a trauma she may never get over!”

All these people, these well meaning, outraged people, are not helping. Not her and not the collective consciousness that drives our reaction to rape. It isn’t that there won’t be trauma, there will. Especially given the very public nature of the crime. It isn’t that she won’t have things to work through. She will. It isn’t that it might not at times be difficult. It probably will be. It is that the underlying idea that she is broken/traumatized/ruined for life?  Is complete bullshit.

Rape victims need ears to listen, shoulders to lean on, therapist to teach how to deal. What they do not need, what no victim of so personal a trauma needs, is to be told over and over again by strangers how broken they are and will likely remain. This idea only exacerbates an already complicated emotional situation. And does more harm than good.

I know this. I know this because I wasn’t that much older than her when it happened to me. And the same type of well meaning people went all Cassandra as played by Sara Bernhardt. They were so sure that this thing that was done to me would either fundamentally change me or cause me a lifetime of trauma to deal with. This was not at all helpful.

That idea, that I was damaged goods forever, emotionally if in no other way, only added to the shame and guilt I had. Shame that even I knew was nonsense. But their well meaning declaiming about the great tragedy that was visited upon me made it harder to move past the rest of it. Harder to trust myself to know when a reaction I was having was healthy and immediate or a residual effect of the rape. Harder to let it go. Especially that last.

When everyone around you is telling you that you should still be fragile, still be damaged, still be traumatized… how do you tell them “Hey, actually? I’m not. I worked through it. I am fine.”  And what possible response is there when you do screw up your courage to tell them and they pat you on the head and assure you that, no, actually you are not. You, poor little creature you, are obviously in denial, or have PTSD or whatever psychology term they heard on Daytime Talk that week.

So here is what I have to say to everyone:

Just stop it. Be angry about what was done to her. Be pissed off about how it was handled. Be murderous about the aftermath and the reaction of the people who should have had her back in her town. But stop pulling a Cassandra and telling her what her future is. If you must write about it? Instead tell her that she will heal. She will be okay. That it may take time? But eventually she will wake up one day and NOT remember. That this thing that was done to her does not define her now and will not define her then.

To Jane Doe:

I don’t know you. What I do know is that you have it within you to grow wings and fly above this thing that was done to you. You are not this thing. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. Trust yourself. Yours is the only voice that really matters here. The only one.  I believe that with everything in my being, because I have been there done that. As have many of us. Find those that get it and reach out to them. They are the ones that can and will provide the support you need.

I run into people all the time that really, truly believe that he is. Or at the very least don’t believe he is Christian. They have been thoroughly and roundly propagandized by people that use xenophobia to convince others that if someone isn’t like you — if they don’t believe exactly the way you do — that they have no business being elected to office (although the cognitive dissonance inherent in supporting a Mormon had to be rough for them).  The thought I have each and every time this argument is thrown up to me?

He’s not. But even if he was? So what?

Why am I *gasp* so apathetic about such a possibility? Because anyone who thinks that someone’s religious beliefs or doctrines  is a valid thing to base your vote on? Does not understand the Constitution nor do they quite grok the binding principle the country was founded on.  And this isn’t open for debate, interpretation or argument. It is very plainly stated in the documents that we use to govern with and the people who governed wrote. Here are a few examples:

Article VI of the Constitution: “no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust in the United States.”

And

John Tyler: “The United States have adventured upon a great and noble experiment, which is believed to have been hazarded in the absence of all previous precedent — that of total separation of Church and State. No religious establishment by law exists among us. The conscience is left free from all restraint and each is permitted to worship his Maker after his own judgment. The offices of the Government are open alike to all. No tithes are levied to support an established Hierarchy, nor is the fallible judgment of man set up as the sure and infallible creed of faith. The Mohammedan, if he will to come among us would have the privilege guaranteed to him by the constitution to worship according to the Koran; and the East Indian might erect a shrine to Brahma, if it so pleased him. Such is the spirit of toleration inculcated by our political Institutions.”

And

Thomas Jefferson (He has a bunch): “But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.”

“Where the preamble declares, that coercion is a departure from the plan of the holy author of our religion, an amendment was proposed by inserting “Jesus Christ,” so that it would read “A departure from the plan of Jesus Christ, the holy author of our religion;” the insertion was rejected by the great majority, in proof that they meant to comprehend, within the mantle of its protection, the Jew and the Gentile, the Christian and Mohammedan, the Hindoo and Infidel of every denomination.”

“Christianity neither is, nor ever was a part of the common law.”

“In every country and in every age, the priest has been hostile to liberty. He is always in alliance with the despot, abetting his abuses in return for protection to his own.”

And

Treaty of Tripoli — George Washington signed this initially and John Adams and the Senate ratified it: “As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquillity, of Musselmen; and as the said States never have entered into any war or act of hostility against any Mehomitan nation, it is declared by the parties that no pretext arising from religious opinions shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries.”

Are you beginning to notice a pattern here boys and girls? Yeah, me too. I’ve blogged about this from various angles before. And I will probably do it again. Because it is so, so important that people remember this; that if they never knew it they learn it.  These things were written about because the people who created the foundation of our country were trying to avoid some things. The first being Theocracy.

If you vote based on whether someone is Christian enough for you? You are coming down on the side of Theocracy and ultimately tyranny. Would you as the individual ever deliberately withhold someone’s natural rights? Probably not. Unless they are gay, but that is another post for another time. But you know what? Those with power when given such powerful tools? Will oppress. Will deny freedom. Will sift the people into groups of the deserving and the undeserving. Heck, they have been trying to do it for years.

You think I get mean when people start spouting this kind of thinking in my presence? You are lucky Jefferson isn’t around. He would have flat out ridiculed you. He did quite a bit of that to the point that the wannabe Theocrats of his day made up nasty little propaganda pamphlets not at all unlike the ads the Koch brothers want you to believe. You know what he said about that?

They [the clergy] believe that any portion of power confided to me, will be exerted in opposition to their schemes. And they believe rightly; for I have sworn upon the altar of god, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. But this is all they have to fear from me: and enough, too, in their opinion.

And

History, I believe, furnishes no example of a priest-ridden people maintaining a free civil government. This marks the lowest grade of ignorance of which their civil as well as religious leaders will always avail themselves for their own purposes.

You can vote based on your similarity of belief if you want to. No one can stop you. But when you do? When you reject out of hand solely based on how someone chooses to worship? Do not tell me it is because that is what was intended by the people that made your freedom possible. Because it was not. And when you decide based on that rather than on the truth of their abilities? You are abusing the freedoms you were given.

So, no, it doesn’t matter if Obama is a Muslim. Or if our next President worships the flying spaghetti monster.  If you are going to be critical of your elected officials? Be critical about what they have actually done. And do your own research. Do not just link to some video or text because it sounds right to you; because you agree with it. Actually put the time in to verify and research the claims being made. You should base your judgements on your proofs; not your proofs on your judgements.

For those of you that choose to believe that which validates? Know that I always do my research. And I will always be here, waiting, and never keeping quiet about what is true.

The story/joke is this (and many of you may have already seen it):

The $50 Lesson

Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog.

During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, “If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?” She replied… “I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.” Her parents beamed with pride!

“Wow…what a worthy goal!” I said. “But you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that!” I told her. “What do you mean?” she replied.

So I told her, “You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I’ll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out and give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.”

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?” I said, “Welcome to the Republican Party.” Her parents aren’t speaking to me anymore.

On the surface this is just a rather trite, not quite funny, bit of conservative humor. Well, I don’t find it funny. The conservatives I saw commenting on it thought it was just hysterical. I don’t find it funny because the underlying message in it showcases a certain meanness of spirit and assumption of superiority to those less fortunate.

I doubt the story is an actual occurrence. Although, I am sure that similar things have happened.  That doesn’t matter as much as the lesson that is in it. If I had been asked that question by that little girl? I would have explained to her that sometimes people can’t work. Sometimes they are too wounded in body or mind.  That homelessness and hunger did not necessarily happen because of laziness. That most of this country is about 30 days from the street and has been for a long time. That compassion and giving were good things.

But that isn’t what this story illustrates. What it implies is that all the homeless need to do is get off their butts and work. Never mind that some simply cannot. Never mind the hurdles that are placed in front of someone who lacks something so simple as a way to clean their clothes and bathe. Never mind that there aren’t herds of Republicans offering jobs to the homeless. Honestly, it makes my heart hurt that anyone could find that story at all funny.

This past week I heard a different story. A friend of mine, who has a heart as big as the world, received  a slip of lunch credits for about $26. The story is this:

I paid cash daily so I was confused. Come to find out, a little girl in her class had no lunch money, ever. G. gave the girl her own lunch money and charged hers. I asked her about it and she said “We always have enough to eat, Mom. She doesn’t.” I settled the bill and made sure to add double lunch money pretty often (daily). My 6 year old knew enough to feed someone in need.

The interesting thing about this is that this friend also happens to be somewhat politically conservative. But she does not lack compassion. And because she does not? Neither does her daughter. There was no question of why the girl lacked lunch money.  They just saw the need and met it. Because why? Isn’t important in a situation like that. Feeding the hungry? Is.

Because the religious right is so intertwined with the political conservatives? This kind of thing always brings me back to the religion of my childhood. I have such a hard time fathoming how someone who purports to be Christian can find it virtuous to deny the needy what they need. They talk about welfare reform and people who abuse the system as if this somehow justifies allowing people to go hungry. I am not going to get political here except to say that yes, there are some people that are societal parasites, but the vast majority? Are in need because of something beyond their control. They lost a job and can’t find another. They are broken in body, mind or spirit. They are, in fact, the very people that the Christ of the Bible reached out to and helped.

Not once in the story did Christ require anything from someone to help them. He just saw the need and met it. It was only after he had helped that he told them “Now, go and do thus and such.”  But the compassionate help always came first. This is because Christ knew the truth of the saying “People do not care how much you know, until they know how much you care.”

And while I cannot really claim at this point to practice any kind of Christianity that anyone in an orthodox religion would recognize? In this one thing I strive to emulate Christ. Because it matters. Because if I have ever been convicted about anything in my life it is that compassion and help without strings is the right way to live.  If you claim Christianity? You really should think about this. The people that claim to speak for you and your values? Pay lip service to them only. Because if they lack active compassion? They lack the central tenant of what Christ was all about.

“He was moved with compassion.”—Matthew 9:36

First, whose bright idea was it for the Mayor of Boston to write a letter suggesting that Chik-fil-A not establish a store there?  And why on God’s green earth would anyone think that was enforceable let alone a good idea?

Elected officials cannot decide to deny commerce based on the company leadership’s religious beliefs. Or lack thereof. Menino has no more power to make that happen than he has to rearrange the galaxy. Nor do any of the other half-wit, opportunist politicians that went there.  It doesn’t work that way. Nor should it. That is constitutional law at its most fundamental. Any attempt to restrict business because of the opinions of the people running it? Especially if those people have those opinions as a result of their religion? Unless they are breaking the law, the government is prohibited from doing so by both the 1st and the 14th Amendments.

Basically that letter was a bunch of sound and fury signifying nothing. Another way to look at it? He was playing to his audience.  He knew it would strike a chord so he used that little tempest in a teapot to make himself look good. Knowing full well that he does not have the power to do any such thing. He played you my fellow liberals. Played you well. I was a little flabbergasted by the number of people that applauded that windblown missive of his.  That made it the Facebook meme of the hour. Because it accomplished nothing. Other than to give Chik-fil-A a bang up sales month.

And then there is the little matter of why would you want that to happen? If someone manages to do it to him? You are next. Or if not next, you are down the line. This kind of thing erodes our Constitution. Which is a very bad thing. That, boys and girls, is what keeps us all safe. You and the people you disagree with equally. That is what justice and fairness are. They apply to everyone. Not just those we don’t think are bigoted whackaloons. So please don’t encourage that kind of thing. It will hurt us all in the long run.  Unless you have some burning desire to live in a fascist state. Then have at it. But you are off my Christmas Cookie list.

Now for the other side.

I want to know why it is that my Christian friends don’t first ascertain what someone stands for or what history a corporation has before they jump pell-mell into supporting them just because the liberals called them names and made threats they can’t back up.  Just because this organization purports to be Christian? Does not make it so. While I cannot speak to Cathy’s Christianity because I don’t know what is in his heart and that is not something for me to judge, I can and will judge the actions of the company based on their statement that they run the company  based on hard work, humility and Biblical principles.

Leaving aside the remarks about homosexuality for now, there are other things that you should be aware of. This Lawsuit for example. If you don’t want to read through the whole thing? The gist is that an operator in Georgia had a repeated pattern of discriminating against women. So secure in his right to do this was he that he actually told the woman bringing the suit and several others that she was being fired so that she could be a stay at home mother.

The company had been made aware of this and did nothing. So the Plaintiff in this case went to the EEOE and obtained permission to pursue the suit.

It is not the company’s fault this man did this; they are at fault for not resolving it before it came to this. There is nothing Christian about someone firing someone because they think that she should be at home. A woman with the wherewithal to stay at home with her kids? Is not going to work fast food. He in effect deprived both the woman and her children of income they needed to survive. My version of Christianity rather frowns on making life harder on women and children who are already struggling.

And then there is the case of Aziz Latif. A non-Christian man who was fired because he did not pray at a training meeting because he was not a Christian and did not feel comfortable doing so. Aside from the issue of this is definitely illegal in a public company (churches can do that; public companies can’t) based on the fact you cannot discriminate in employment based on religion, it is also, well, counterproductive.

You know the quickest way to build a wall between someone else and what you believe to be true? Treat them unfairly because they don’t believe what you do.  This is anti-witnessing, folks, and it is completely contrary to the Gospel. Chik-fil-A settled this suit but I have to wonder what damage was done that may never be undone there.

The third example is a group of women who sued based on sexual harassment here in CA.  These women did not immediately sue. They first went to the owner and were told that the supervisor groping and in one case forcibly kissing one of them was “just playing around” getting no joy from that? The went to the corporate HQ and were largely ignored.  When the supervisor retaliated 3 of the women resigned. They were then left no choice but to sue. They are asking only for damages in the amount of lost wages as well as an order requiring the owner of the Chick-fil-A franchise  to take all reasonable steps to prevent harassment from occurring and to investigate complaints properly.

These are 3 of over a dozen in recent history. A dozen. And in each case the corporate offices could have nipped it in the bud if they had indeed approached them with an attitude of  humility and Biblical principles. Instead? They chose to turn a blind eye and then later claim “we do want to reinforce that Chick-fil-A does not tolerate any kind of harassment”.

Really? Because it seems to me that tolerate it is exactly what they did when they failed to address it before it got to the courts.  What people say? Amounts to nothing. It is what they do that matters. And what this company has consistently done is not live up to its own high standards. Instead they have acted like every secular company out there. Just something to think about before you decide to put all your support behind a company that has a lot more going on in the shadows than one man’s crusade for “traditional family values”.

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit your own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” -Thomas Merton

The person that shared this quote is my oldest friend. In the ensuing conversation, I realized something. She knew this truth as a child. Of all the people in my life, then or now, she was the first and the most consistent person to tell me — by actions, not words — that it was okay to be me.

This may not seem like a big deal, but for me? It is. She taught me this truth when we were still in pigtails and it has colored my whole life since then. Because of her acceptance? I am accepting. In a childhood world filled with judgement and where everyone else was trying to get me to be what they thought I should, Linda simply just let me be me. And because of her? I have always let others be them. That is a big deal. It had an impact on how I raised my children. It made a difference in how I chose my friends.  It is a core thread at the heart of who I am. And she is the one who first wove it in the tapestry that is my world view.

We were an odd pair, she and I. I don’t think you could have found two kids that were more different than each other.  Our first encounter in grade school did not go well. I was trying to get her attention in class and kept nudging her with my foot. I don’t remember what it was I wanted to tell her but apparently it was important. After about 15 minutes of me nudging her and her ignoring me she suddenly hauled off and kicked me in the shin. Hard.

Not the most auspicious beginning for a 30+ year friendship. When I asked her about it later she told me that she thought I was just bothering her to bother her. So she finally retaliated.

At some point after that I decided, I am not quite sure why, that I needed to find out what made her tick.  She fascinated me. Because she never said ANYTHING. She could have pulled off convincing people she was mute. She would stand at recess with her back against the wall in the sun and just watch everyone. I could tell there was something going on in her head. I wanted to know what. So I started talking to her. I talked, and talked and talked. As silent as she was? I was equally persistent. And somewhere in there, I got my wish. She began to talk back.

I was a disaster then. I still kind of am. Disorganized, disheveled, I can lose things to this day without ever moving.  And I said things. There is a meme running around that goes “You know that little voice that stops you from saying what you think? Yeah.  I don’t have one.”

That was, and sometimes still is, me.

From the ages of 4 to 24 I traveled through life with lint on my Sunday best, cat hair on my tights, odd hairstyles, odder clothing and the whole world knew everything I was thinking and feeling because I didn’t know how to keep it to myself.  It didn’t help that I was precocious kid. I had a large vocabulary and a certainty that I knew just as well as anyone who was supposedly an authority figure. It helped even less that sometimes I did know better.  And told them so. I was in trouble more often than I wasn’t.

Linda, on the other hand, was impeccable. Where my shoes were always and forever coming untied? Hers were neatly and symmetrically laced always.  Where my hair often looked like someone had had a seizure while trying to pull it back with barrettes? Hers was picture perfect. Two barrettes, perfectly spaced and nice even curls all the way around. Where I never knew where anything I owned might be? She had everything organized and in its place. Where I was constantly on the carpet for something I said or did? I can’t recall one time she ever was dressed down by anyone. I got it from everyone at least once.

And yet, yet…

We worked together. I liked her for her and she liked me for me.  We did have things in common, don’t get me wrong. Neither one of us really understood other girls much.  There was a whole world of girlishness that just didn’t appeal to either one of us.  We ran around outside and got into trouble with things that had combustion engines. Almost killed each other on a 3 wheeler, a snowmachine and once, memorably, by deciding we were expert cliff scalers. We weren’t.

Those are all stories in their own right, however. So I won’t tell them here. I think I will make this week Linda and Arlene week. And write the stories of the childhood we had together. It may even take longer than a week. There are a lot of them. Most of them funny, all of them full of mischief, and every one of them part of the thread that makes up who I am.

And through it all? Runs the truth that love, and true friendship, begins with letting the other be their perfect selves. No matter what. Even if you disagree. Even if you have wildly divergent world views or ways of interacting with the world.

Should be a fun week in Slightly Fruit Cake land.

Why? Because people have lived in fear of that since before Christ was born. It has not happened, nor will it in my lifetime. We live in a world where our leadership can’t even agree about who the bad guys are, let alone unite to fix our problems. There is no reason to believe that at this juncture in history we are ripe for One World Government.

That said, however, there have been some disturbing things going on in the US of A. So disturbing that the republican I live with pointed a couple out to me. Which led to me researching and deciding that there are some people here, very specific people, that are doing their dead level best to turn us into a Plutocracy.

A Plutocracy, in case you are unfamiliar with the term, is defined as:

1.

the rule or power of wealth or of the wealthy.

2.

a government or state in which the wealthy class rules.

You see, you can’t be for all those things while simultaneously being for Republican candidates who have a track record of raising taxes and unbalancing the budget, people who deny basic freedoms and rights to those not of their same belief systems,  and call for a Judeo Christian government because you think that is what the founding fathers wanted. It wasn’t by the way, see this post:
Washington, Jefferson, Adams, Franklin…What Religious Freedom Really Is

They consistently claim that Democrats raise taxes and put us in debt and Republicans do not. This is not true. From the NYT:

The proof, as always, is in the numbers.

It is not unusual for them to be so wrong on issues you might think you were reading the Onion. Even a cursory reading of the website for them I linked is apt to make you raise your eyebrows if you are even slightly informed. Now I know some of you are going to argue with me about this.  Give it your best shot, marshal your best arguments and throw them at me. I will do my best to find you the statistics and sources that will refute or weaken what they are saying.  Unlike some I do not believe the members are all bigoted liars; I know a few who are neither. But I do think that they are getting their facts from unreliable sources.

I have always been puzzled by how people that I knew weren’t otherwise stupid could be sucked into that mess and in my search for the plutocrats? A light suddenly dawned. Enter the Koch brothers.

The Koch brothers have categorically denied having anything to do with the Tea Party.  The problem is they quite obviously do. Just not directly.  For example Peggy Venable, who draws a salary from Americans for Prosperity (a non-profit started by the Koch brothers) has stated that the events funded by them were to help educate Tea Party activists on policy details and give them next step training after their rallies so that their political energy could be channelled more effectively. She has also said that AFP has provided Tea Party activists with lists of elected officials to go after.  If you have any doubt? Direct quote from her “They’re certainly our people. David’s the chairman of our board. I’ve certainly met with them, and I’m very appreciative of what they do.”

So no matter what they claim? Their fingers are all up in that slice of American pie.

The Koch brothers started out as libertarians. Their main thrust has always been lower taxes, minimal social services for the needy, less oversight/regulation in Industry and fighting environmental regulations.  They have spent millions, perhaps billions, in funding different organizations to promote those aims. When you realize that their net worth rivals that of Bill Gates and they are one of the top 10 polluters according to the University of Massachusetts at Amherst political economy research study it is a little hard not to realize how self serving their agenda is.

Now this is the point where everyone brings up George Soros. I am not going to argue, nor would  I ever, that democrats and liberals with money do not fund their own pet agendas. They certainly do.  There is a major difference between him and the Koch Brothers, however.  His funding of his personal causes is both transparent and does not benefit him.  The Koch Brothers set things up in such a way that it is impossible to nail down a number on the amount of money they have put into getting things blocked or passed that benefit them. What we do know? Is that it has been a lot and that it all is of benefit to them.

They are behind not only Americans for Prosperity but Defending the American Dream, Mercatus, Triad Management, Patients United Now, the Cato Institute, ALEC and numerous other organizations. All of which fight for things that directly impact their bottom line and harm the average American’s. All whilst claiming to be helping the average Joe.

They are smart, they are sneaky, and they have leveraged the right wing Tea Party as a means to an end.  They tell these people that they are about truth, freedom and the American way of life but they are really all about themselves.  The very policies that they espouse are the things that have led to our current mess.

Even more disturbing, they have now started to try get a piece of the public education pie and are succeeding. I will not post about that now because it deserves a full length post of its own. If you want some pre-post reading: Parent Trigger in CA

You see, as Voltaire said “The comfort of the rich depends upon an abundant supply of the poor.”

The Koch brothers are well aware of this fact and have become our home grown plutocrats. They have been at it for years, but now with Citizens United they can really get down to business and buy our legislative process, elections and elected officials so the outcome  is to their liking.  To do that they have successfully divided us and caused us to fight each other. If we want our freedoms and opportunities to apply to all? All we need to do is wake up and smell the Plutocracy. And then set about getting rid of it. They have more money than us, but we outnumber them. We could do that if we only pulled together.